Log in

 The wonderful FedEx man will deliver my NutriSystem food tomorrow. And after this post, my dear LJ, I will never speak to you again.

I feel like there is a correlation between this LJ and weight loss failure. So. See ya. forever.

Day Six

So yesterday, I'm pretty sure that I ate over 2,000 calories. It started as being just a little afternoon snack and led to some weird French bread and nutella binge...whatever? On the Daily Plate, I tracked my exercise as "standing while eating" (which actually burns a lot of calories...?) because technically, I mean, I did exercise in that way. Ha. So pathetic, but its the first time this week I couldn't make it to the gym or run, or do some yardwork. And so it goes.

As you can tell, I'm not upset about this. I'm not even upset that after eating many many more calories than needed in the afternoon and not exercising, I proceeded to eat some chinese food, and drink Coke. Nope, not mad.

I am not mad because today I have done so well. For me, the biggest hurdle was getting back on track and I did it! Yesterday is yesterday, and I don't care about that. I care about now-the present- and what I'm doing to continue losing weight. What I am doing now is right. It's what I should be doing so I just must reward myself for doing well in the present. If yesterday affected the scale, I won't know because I am not weighing myself tomorrow as much as I would like to. I am weighing myself every other week so that stupid days like yesterday don't bum me out about this whole thing. And sooner or later, days like yesterday will stop. Because they are uneccesary. And it would only follow the rules of survival of Darwin. So.

Tonight my net calories are less than my intake so I must fix it soon. I had a bagel and some fruit which totals around 400 calories but I burned almost two times that at the gym, so I'm going to get a nice healthy dinner in, in about an hour. It's so hard for me to estimate how much food to plug into the DP when I go out, but I guess I'll do my best.

What a wonderful day!

Day Four...dun dun dun

It is Day Four and lets all think about what tomorrow is...Day Five! The Day that I gave up the last time I tried losing weight. Well. Well, well, well, I am going to make it past Day Five. I will.

I feel like I have so much to say but I am incredibly tired because I just drank 'Sleepy Time' Tea and its really doing what it says. Yesterday I kinda strayed off but I worked off a lot at the gym and I'm back on track now. Thats really good for me to be back on track because once I mess up, I usually don't get back on track. I'm really pleased.

Today was actually a really good day. I have my lowest net calories of the week so far, which I wasn't expecting. I didn't exercise too vigorously tonight either. I snacked mostly on clementines and had a few cups of tea. I drank quite a bit of water today now that my Nalgene is clean. I learned today that you burn approximately 25 calories drinking 2 glasses of cold water. Ha! Isn't that funny?

I was craving chocolate tonight and so I had a little piece. When I decided to just have some more, I thought about it. Yeah, maybe no one will see me eating this chocolate.. but who am I really cheating here? Here I am, trying so hard to eat well... why would I mess it up by gorging down chocolate at night after I just worked out? Why would I do that to myself? It's just not fair to my body or my mind. I constantly think about my ideal body, and you know what? Cheating isn't going to get me there. I'm cheating myself and no one else. And I just have to remember: If I eat right, I will see results. If I don't...well then I'll have the rest of my life just waiting and hoping for my idea body. And if theres one thing that I learned, its

Hoping is the opposite of training.

Day Three

It's Day Three of my Daily Plate eating, and man, todays a tough day. I'm just craving EVERYTHING and I'm just eating and eating and eating and ugh! After school I had a South Beach Diet wrap meal, one Strawberries n' cream Curves bar, one Chocolate Delight South Beach Diet bar, and 3 mini size Crunch bars. I know, I know.  Awful. I'm still attempting to stay within my calorie limit for today though! I'm hanging on.. because I know that todays a tough day. And if I just make it through unswervingly, I can do it and I will be so proud of myself by the time I go to bed.

I only had around 200 calories left for today but I had a really awful craving and found myself in the kitchen. However! However, however instead of reaching for a hunk of bread, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, another granola bar or bowl of cereal....I ate a clementine. And an apple. And now I'm enjoying some tea. I have been drinking my tea without sugar and I am really enjoying it. Hm!

I'm so happy that I didn't just really fuck up. I was very close and I could have. And when I mess up, I tend to think ,"forget about it. This always happens and I will never lose weight again without Jenny Craig." Nope! I'm proving to Jenny Craig, to my mother who thinks I can't do it without Jenny Craig, and basically all my friends and family that I can do this by myself. I can, and I am going to. And I promise myself that if in the future I mess up, I will get right back on the wagon and continue to eat healthily.

Although the apple and clementine have put my dangerously close to my calorie goal of the day, I am going to choose to ignore them. My dinner is about 240 calories and I have a pretty intense workout today, so I am not going to consider the apple and clementine putting me over the calorie limit and upsetting myself. After all, those 120 calories or so are VERY different from a 120 calorie slice of bread and butter. I'm proud of myself, I really am.

I'm so proud of myself in fact, that I can nooot wait to weigh myself. Something that I don't say. Ever. Well I guess I have to practice a little self control in that area too and wait until November 30th. Every two weeks. Sigh.

Day two!

It's day two of my Daily Plate food recordings, and I think that I am doing very well. It calculated that at 165 pounds, for my height and activity level, I should be eating around 1,300 calories a day to lose 2 pounds a week. The weird thing was that the activity level was suppose to not count things such as going out for a run, or going to gym. It only counts what activity you do outside of that. I didn't know thats how you calculate the number of calories you should intake.

Yesterday went well, I actually finished off the night pretty full. I posted a comment on the Daily Plate asking people to reassure me because I'm not yet trusting the whole calorie calculation deal, because I feel like I'm eating waay too much. Today seems more normal. I feel like I have eaten a lot and lo and behold- I have! At only 2:30ish The Daily Plate told me that I have only a little more than 200 calories left for the day. I did kind of eat two lunches today...I'm keeping that 200+ for a Lean Cuisine or Smart Ones frozen dinner for before the gym. Maybe I can have a clementine after...it's not good to not eat after the gym!

Everytime I look at someone thin and think, "wow. I wish I was thin." I no longer get really upset like I did only a week ago. Because now I realize that I'm doing something about it. And although I'm nervous about seeing everyone over Thanksgiving, I need to remember that by Christmas when I see them again I will have lost weight. And my weight is not the first thing on everyones mind, like I think it is. Wooh I need to calm down.

I'm really excited though  because if I average 2 pounds a week, thats 8 pounds a month. By Christmas, I can lose 12 pounds! That would put me at 153 pounds! It would be lovely to get into the 150's again. And if I really keep up the momentum, I can reach my goal of 37 pounds lost by the end of March or early April. This is exciting! Thats really not a long time at all. I think I'm going to tell * so she can get into the weight loss mode with me. I'm going to tell * too, and other people who will help me stay on track. It's weird how I can be open about it now that I'm not on Jenny Craig.

My short term goal is to get to 160 pounds. Thats 5 pounds away. I'm not going to weigh myself this Sunday (November 23rd) but instead next Sunday (November 30th) because I figure that in two weeks I should have a loss. I don't want to live by the scale though-maybe I should weigh myself every other week? That sounds good, but we'll see. Until later...!

The Daily Plate

I joined the Daily Plate! Just now! Now lets find out if tracking my food log makes more sense on LJ or The Daily Plate? The reason I'm saying so, is that I don't care so much about calories right now than just not emotional eating. Right now I'm trying to learn to eat when I'm hungry and not because I'm bored or sad or happy. Actually just recently I discovered that I DON'T eat when I'm upset. I used to eat tons while I was upset, and I used to wish that I wouldn't eat when I was upset. I wonder what brought about this change. Weird!

Ooh after doing a little bit of exploring, I think that I am going to track my foods on The Daily Plate. Although some features are limited (there is a Gold version which requires a fee) they have many helpful tips. After adding a food product, you can search for products similiar -but with less calories, fat, carbohydrates etc. Also, whenever you add a food it shows its contents in a pie graph: the percent of fats, carbs and protein. There is also a glass of water with a slider next to it- the more water you drink, you move the slider up, and it fills up the cup which represents 64 oz. It has also calculated for me how many calories I must consume a day to lose 2 pounds a week. As I add foods, it subtracts the calories from my total amount allowed. Hopefully I'll lose a little more each week with exercise in the mix.

I believe that one of my strongest weight loss factors is water drinking. Its 8 a.m. and I've already had 2 cups of tea-16 oz. But my downfall is candy in the house, because Halloween has just passed! Ah! Butterfingers are my worst enemy and today I have already had a Reeses Peanut Butter Cup. But not anymore! After The Daily Plate told me that my 80 calorie peanut butter cup is more than 50% fat and my 85 calorie Butterfinger is more than 60% carbs! Ah! Not until next Halloween.

I must renew my gym membership, finally. I can't wait to go, I honestly and truely love going. "Ellipticalling" for an hour is heavenly. Ha.


I weighed myself in for the first time on the start of this weight loss journey, and it will actually also be the last weigh in until the second week of December! So I'll be anxiously waiting until then. I used to think that weighing myself multiple times a day worked for me, but I became obsessed with my weight and I was just a mess, so that has changed. It was like a scale eating disorder and not fun- I restricted my calories too much and oh boy, lets not go down that path again.

It's quite early in the morning and so I might go back to sleep. I don't yet know what I am going to eat for breakfast, maybe oatmeal? I think this morning or afternoon I will go to the grocery store. I'm going to pick up some romaine lettuce, veggies, some more fruit and then frozen Lean Cuisine meals for dinner.

I was going to try the Wu-Yi tea because of everything that I have heard on Oprah and the news. I used to get so upset about these "fad diets" but this one is just a tea. Either way I guess its kinda shady and I shouldn't try it. I also can't find the site with the free trial and as I was looking for it, I thought about this tea, and figured that I shouldn't go experimenting with weird things.

I don't think that I will update everyday, but I will quite often. I'm going to update about how my clothes are fitting and general appearances because I will not be weighing myself for about a month.


As much as I crave a real nice binge right now,

sometimes you realize.
It's just not worth it.



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December 2008


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